Cultural Differences
As I mentioned in my “bio” entry, I am pretty into sociology. Over the course of my 7-year stint teaching abroad and traveling, I realized that observing people was a passion of mine. My mind was, and still is, constantly filled with questions about people and society. Why do we do we what we do? How much of who we are is innate and how much is learned and a result of the culture we grow up in?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how the culture we grow up in influences the way we parent. Of course, there is a wide range of approaches within every society but there are some interesting generalizations we can make.

I am often struck by my friend’s concern over the “neediness” or dependency of their child. This seems to be particularly concerning for the men in the relationship and they often seem to be the ones pushing for a more strict approach.

I have heard innumerable conversations about picking children up too quickly when they cry, holding babies too much and for too long, letting babies sleep with the parents, etc. Sarah touched on this in her blog entry “Mom’s a Co-sleeper, Dad’s Not”. These types of things are all considered no-nos in our society, which places so much importance on independence. The fact that we see independence as a virtuous and desirable quality is not surprising considering our focus on being individuals rather than being part of a group.

There are so many other societies where these issues wouldn’t come close to registering on the radar of parental concerns. In other countries it is commonplace, for cultural and/or practical reasons, for babies to be held constantly or strapped to the mother’s back for long periods and where parent and child sleep together for years. No one gives them sideways glances and accuses them of being over-protective or “coddlers” and it seems to me that babies in these societies grow up to be perfectly normal, fully-functioning adults.

So what’s the big deal? I say go ahead, snuggle your baby, pick them up when they cry, heck, hold them all day long if you want to. They aren’t babies forever and it won’t be long before they’re teenagers and would rather poke their eyes out then cuddle for hours with their mom or dad. Is it really going to hurt them? Granted it might hurt the parents in the long run, that is, if they can’t put their foot down at some point. They might end up having to do nightly battle with a two-year old to get them into their own bed but when they’re only babies can you really love them too much?

But, hey, what do I know? Bedtime isn’t a struggle for me and the only person I snuggle with at night is my husband and he isn’t prone to tears when we part in morning because of abandonment issues. Maybe there is someone out there who made the egregious mistake of holding his or her baby when it cried and that baby turned into a raging, holy terror as a result. If you are that someone, please feel free to set me straight.

~Laura

Labels: babywearing, co-sleeping, Culture, Laura

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