Whose job is harder?
It’s a bone of contention for many married couples who are parents. Whose job is harder? The stay at home parent or the working parent?

I am the stay at home parent and I love it. I left a job in communications to spend the first year of my son’s life at home with him, and I feel very lucky to have the opportunity to do so.

My husband works full time. He gets up at 6:30am and usually gets home around 4:30pm. He is a hard worker and even takes on some freelance work on the side. And he is a great dad.

So as the stay at home parent I do all the cooking, cleaning, shopping and of course looking after baby. My job is not easy, but I enjoy being a domestic Goddess. At the same time, my job has no quitting time or starting time. I’m on call 24/7 and that’s where the arguments start.

For the past month my little guy has been sleeping terribly, waking up anywhere from three to six times a night. And just last week I took him to see my grandparents which meant that I was the sole caregiver all day and night.

All this waking in the middle of the night has really started to wear on me, and coupled with the trip and I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck. So last night I went to bed at 9:30. Joshua woke up at 10:30, so I fed him and got him back to sleep. But when the baby woke up again just half an hour later, I asked my husband to try to get him back to sleep. His response, “What do you want me to do? I have to work all day tomorrow.”

I was mad, frustrated, and tired as hell. I got up, rocked the baby to sleep, and went back to bed crying.

My husband apologized the next day, but the experience has left me with the question: When is it fair to ask for your partners help during the night, even when they work full time? How much help should you expect? Does the fact that I can take a 45 minute or an hour nap during the day take away my right to sleep more than three hours straight?

~Michelle

Labels: baby, cleaning, Cooking, job, Michelle, parenting, Relationship, sleep

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Kids love to Dip
Are you looking for a healthy after school snack for the little ones? Here is an easy recipe for Hummus that keeps well in the fridge. Just cut up some veggies or pita to go along with it.


Hummus

Add:
1 can chick peas with liquid
3-4 cloves of garlic
a pinch of salt
Blend

Add:
¼ cup tahini
1/3 cup lemon juice
¼ cup olive oil
Blend

Add:
1 can of chick peas drained & rinsed
Blend to desired thickness

Serve with nacho chips, veggies and/or pita.

~Sarah

Labels: chick peas, Children, chips, dip, Hummus, kids, pita, Recipe, veggies

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To Procreate or Not to Procreate? That is the Question. Part II
So this next issue is a big one and one that I have thought about for a long time. Is it socially responsible to have a baby?

Now, before I have any parents out for blood because of that comment, I want to say that this is not a judgment on people who have children. Indeed, there is a very good chance I will be having my own some day so it is really more a question I have asked myself about my own reasons for wanting a baby.

I try to live a socially and environmentally responsible life. I miss the mark in a lot of ways (I drive a car and take long-haul flights) but I do try. David and I have grand plans for an off-grid house and we look for ways to be responsible travellers. Basically, I believe that there are too many people on this planet and that we are, just through our sheer numbers alone, killing it. North American lifestyles are amongst the most unsustainable in the world and, as such, creating more North Americans will undoubtedly take a toll on a planet already stretched thin.

With all this in mind, I have asked myself over the last few years whether or not having children contributes to this problem. I tell myself “If we only have two kids we are only replacing ourselves” but that’s really a little lie I tell myself to feel better because, for much our lives (hopefully), my kids and David and I would co-exist on the planet together and therefore consume twice the amount of resources that we would otherwise.

Of course there are many ways to try to mitigate the impact my life and the lives of my yet-to-be-born children will have on the planet. That is something Sarah and I hope to explore through this blog and the More Than a Village website. We are looking for ways to live sustainably with or without kids so if you have any suggestions or resources that you use to we’d love to hear it.

The environmental issue brings me to Part Three of this series. Adopting. Look for it next week.

~Laura

Labels: adoption, baby, envirometally responsible, Laura, pregnancy, Procreate, sustainable

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How to Talk About Difficult Topics: Part One
Lets face it, at some point we are going to have to talk to our kids about topics that make us feel uncomfortable such as sex, drugs, death or divorce. What I’ve learned from the research I’ve done, is that it is better to start talking to your kids about such topics earlier than you’d assume may be necessary. For instance, it’s a fact that children begin discussing sex with other children around pre-school age. I personally think it is better for children to learn about such topics from their parents.

The ways in which we support our child’s learning now will form a basis for future conversations. By talking to our children about such topics they learn that they can come to us about anything, that we will listen to their concerns or questions and that we will answer them honestly. Plus, studies have shown that kids who feel like they can talk to their parents (because their parents speak openly and listen to them) are less likely to engage in high-risk behaviours. Isn’t that what we are all aiming for?

I’ve been doing a lot of reading on the subject and have complied this list of things to keep in mind when you are talking to your kids about difficult topics:

➢ It’s a good idea to explore your own feelings and knowledge of the subject first. The more you explore the subject the more comfortable you’ll feel talking about it.

➢ And it may be a good idea to talk to our partners about it, so the kids get the same information no matter what parent they come to with their questions.

➢ It’s always a good idea to ask our children, “What do you think?” before giving our own answer so that we can assess his/her actual level of understanding.

➢ Pause before answering; take the time to think about what we want to say and how we want to say it. It is perfectly fine to say to our kids; “I need to think about that, can we talk about this later” so long as you actually do talk to them about it at a later time.

➢ Answer the question honestly and in a straightforward manner. Our children will ask for more information when they are ready to know more, so there is no need to delve into too much information right off the bat. There are subjects that we’ll have to talk about at each stage of our children’s development. Banish the idea of having “the talk” and embrace the idea of talking often about these subjects.

➢ Communicate our values about the subject. Our children may not adopt these values but at least they will be aware of them when they are figuring out what their own will be.

~Sarah

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Labels: Children, death, divorce, drugs, Parent Ed, sex, talking about tough subjects

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My boobs
I think I love my boobs now more than I did before I had a baby. They’re awesome. They feed him, make him happy, quiet him, comfort him, help him sleep. They are my golden ticket to a happy little man.

Breast feeding is an experience I would never want to give up. Sometimes it brings me to tears, which are now of joy rather than pain.

I remember waiting for my milk to come in after Joshua was born. Two days after giving birth my armpits started to hurt and there was a lump in one of them. I thought the worst, “Oh no. I have Cancer.” But it was just my milk coming in, and my boobs would never be the same again.

What an experience. My boobs turned into giant boulders that almost brought me to tears. I think I got a taste for what implants might feel like. And when those sweet little lips brushed up against them, milk shot out of them like water from a fire hose. Which would have been embarrassing if I didn’t have giving birth to compare it to.

And the leaking. Everywhere. I felt like I was a diary factory.

What a gift though, to continue growing my little baby. I didn’t even mind being on call 24/7, although the hour and a half feedings at 3am were a bit tedious.

It probably took so long because, getting a proper latch is like trying to fit a triangle into a square hole. My sweet little angel seemed to have sandpaper for a tongue. He even gave me a hickie on my nipple.

The first two months were the toughest. After that breastfeeding became comfortable. I worked on mastering the cradle hold and my little guy learned how to latch on properly without me manhandling his head like a pez dispenser.

Now that the pain is gone breastfeeding is a dream. Well the feeding part anyway. My boobs still ebb and flow like the ocean and they often runneth over, onto my sheets, at 3am. But those nights are few and far between.

So here I am at nine months in, totally in love with my baby and his milk jugs.

~Michelle

Labels: Boobs, Breast feeding, Michelle, milk, nursing

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For the Love of Quiche
A couple weeks ago I told you how I have been Experimenting with Cooking and how I’m trying to set myself up for success. Well I’m pretty sure I’ve found a key ingredient to my success – Quiche! That’s right I said Quiche.

Quiche is a tasty breakfast, brunch, lunch or dinner item that you can put just about any ingredient in to make it new and exciting. It is super easy and quick to make. Who doesn’t love that?

This past weekend we had my in-laws and brother/sister-in-laws over for brunch. Each couple provided something for the meal. One couple brought bacon and fresh bread, the other couple brought fruit from the local farmers market and I made two Quiche. It was a fabulous meal, which everyone enjoyed.

Here are the recipes for the two Quiches I made:


Spinach & Sundried Tomato Quiche
1 frozen piecrust
6 eggs
1 cup goats feta drained & crumbled
½ cup sundried tomatoes drained & chopped
½ cup frozen spinach thawed & drained
2 greens onions finely chopped
Table salt & pepper to taste


Chorizo & Pepper Quiche
1 frozen piecrust
6 eggs
½ cup mild cheddar cheese
½ of one large green pepper
½ of one large red pepper
125 ml of mild-Spanish chorizo sausage
2 greens onions finely chopped
½ tsp cayenne pepper
Table salt & pepper to taste

Cook piecrust according to package directions, set aside. Combine all ingredients in a bowl, leaving the eggs to last. Whisk eggs into other ingredients. Pour mixture straight into piecrust and place in oven pre-heated to 375 degrees Celsius. Bake for approximately 45 minutes or until the egg is cooked throughout.

Hope you enjoy these recipes and please do share any ingredient combinations you find that make a delicious Quiche!

~Sarah

Labels: breakfast, brunch, Chorizo and Pepper Quiche, Cooking, dinner, lunch, Quiche, Recipe, Spinach and Sundried Tomato Quiche

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To Procreate or Not to Procreate? That is the Question. Part I
Okay I should preface this by saying that I have a tendency to over-analyze things. Many people would approach the whole ‘having a family’ thing by asking themselves “Do I want a baby?” and then they may answer, “Yes. Yes I do. Okay let’s get it on - without birth control” or, conversely, “Hells to the no. Strap that rubber on, spray on some spermicide and I’ll just add some foam to my diaphragm to be on the safe side”. Me, on the other hand, I have to turn it an epic discussion that lasts years.

Basically it’s like this, I adore my husband. We have a great relationship and we both have a touch of the free spirit in us. I love that we can up and quit our jobs and go to South America for six months with few repercussions. I love that instead of just talking about it we actually do it. Our life “plan” changes a lot and it freaks me out to think of how we may have to start sticking to our plans a little more once a child comes into the picture.

One of my major concerns is how it will affect my relationship with my husband, David. I try to impress upon him that once a child arrives he will no longer be number one in my life. Okay I guess he’d really be number three because, let’s be honest, I’ve been number one. Once a baby arrives I’ll be bumped to number two and then poor David will be number three and, from what I have seen, number three can sometimes end up completely off the radar basically until the kids graduate!

So major concern number one is that my relationship with David, which is pretty fantastic as is, will have to be completely reworked. I essentially have to kiss my life as I know it goodbye because it will never be the same again once children enter the picture.

On the flip side, I adore kids, always have. That’s why I was a teacher for seven years. I think being a mom would be so fun, rewarding and challenging and I can’t imagine missing out on that chance. I think about my own childhood and how great it was and I’d like to have that again but be on the other side, experience it as a parent.

So what do you guys think? Am I just over thinking this or what? How has your relationship changed since having a baby (or two or three)? I’d love to hear your experiences.

~Laura

Labels: baby, Children, husband, Laura, pregnancy, Procreate, Relationship

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Frugal Gift Giving
The shopping season is upon us. With Christmas fast approaching we are all likely considering how we can spend less but still give wonderful gifts. We’ve put together a list of ways to help you do just that;

Make your gifts. Who doesn’t love a personalized gift? Do you sew, knit, craft, cook? Why not make a few gifts? For example:
• Sarah is going to mix some spices together in a lovely container & match it with one of her favorite recipes.
• You could make a candy wreath using a wire coat hanger that you twist into a circle and attached colourful bulk candy with twist ties (be sure to hide the twist ties)
• Create a make-your-own-gingerbread-house kit. Bake up gingerbread in the shapes needed to create the walls and roof and put them in coloured cellophane bags with ribbons and have the other items for decorating the house, like brightly coloured candies such as Smarties and red swirl mints, in similar bags.

Have a secret Santa. Instead of buying for everyone, draw names from a hat and buy for only the person you drew.

Set a price limit. Have everyone in your gift giving circle agree to a price limit. For instance, Laura's family has a $20 limit per child.

Watch for sales. Plan ahead and watch for your gift ideas to go on-sale.

Group Giving. Invite a group of family members or friends to make a small cash contribution to a group bought gift. This is a good way to purchase more expensive items without having to spend more than you can afford.

Frame your child’s artwork. For the low cost of a picture frame and possibly some matting you can have a very special gift any grandparent, aunt, uncle or close family friend will love & treasure.

Give the gift of an experience rather than material things. Get creative! One idea is to make up a gift certificate for a winter wonderland adventure. Organize a fun day of tobogganing and snowman making on nearby hills/mountains (or some other winter activity) and have a cozy meal prepared for afterwards with apple cider, homemade soup, and Christmas cookies (like shortbread and gingerbread). You could make a blanket fort in your TV room and end the night watching Christmas/Winter Themed flicks bundled up in your fort drinking hot chocolate.

Labels: Christmas, Frugal, Gifts, Giving, Santa, Season, Shopping

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My Deep Freeze
For the first time in my adult life I own a deep freeze. Oh the joy of having extra freezer space! The thing that makes me love my deep freeze the most is my ability to pre-cook meals and freeze them. Those nights when I don’t feel like cooking or can’t figure out what to cook, I can just grab something out of my pre-cooked meals stock in the glorious deep freeze. As I'm experimenting with cooking, I am finding new delicious meals that taste great after freezing and I’ll share them with you.

Here is a simple recipe for Mediterranean Pasta Sauce that does just that. Try it for yourself.


Mediterranean Pasta Sauce – for the freezer

9-12 Hot House Tomatoes quartered and then cut in half
500 ml of Mammoth Pitted Greek Green Olives drained
1 – 398 ml can of Pitted black Olives drained
500 ml of Marinated artichoke hearts drained
1 large brown onion chopped
1 tbsp oregano
1 tsp thyme
1 tsp minced garlic
2 tbsp olive oil
1 -156ml can tomato paste


Mix tomatoes, olives, artichoke hearts, onion, oregano, thyme and olive oil in a deep casserole dish (i.e., lasagna pan) and bake at 450 degrees Celsius for approximately 1 hour or until tomatoes start breaking down and onion starts to caramelize. Add and mix in tomato paste once sauce is taken out of oven but is still hot. During the summer, for a lighter pasta sauce, skip the tomato paste all together. This recipe yields approximately 8 servings of sauce. I recommend splitting it in half and freezing for those nights when you just can’t be bothered cooking.

If you have a favorite pre-cooked freezer meal, I'd love to give it a try and share it with our readers. Please e-mail me the recipe.

Enjoy,
Sarah

Labels: Cooking, Deep Freeze, Freezer, Mediterranean Pasta Sauce, Recipe, Sarah

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The 'It's Your Turn' Contest Winner
Well the moment of truth has arrived and we have our contest winner. First I’d like to thank each and every one of you who entered our contest and gave us some feedback. We really appreciate all of your thoughts and ideas and we’ll be taking them all into consideration as we move forward with More Than A Village.

Also a HUGE thank you to Emilie Kaplun Designs for her stunning choker and bracelet set. I am officially very jealous of the winner. Please visit her website to see what other beautiful designs she has available.

Without further ado…….. drum roll please………The winner of our contest is ALANA!!

Yea! Explosions of confetti! Hurrah! A marching band pipes up! Yip-Yoo! White doves are released into the air! Woohoo!!! (We wanted there to be a little fanfare for our first contest.)

Thanks again to all those who entered!

Labels: contest, Emilie Kaplun Designs, giveaway, it's your turn, thank you, winner

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New Blogger - Shared Care Part #1
I am thrilled to be introducing you to my good friend Michelle today. She has graciously agreed, to my complete delight, to be a contributing blogger on the More Than A Village Blog. As you may remember from my very first post, Michelle and I met in pre-natal class and had planned to share care. Our boys were born three days apart and enjoy our play-dates as much as we do.

Michelle Moses is a new mom experiencing all the highs and lows of parenthood for the first time. Before taking on the role of mother she worked in communications in Vancouver, BC. Currently on maternity leave Michelle is facing the dilemma of returning to work and putting her son into childcare. Michelle will be chronicling her search to find someone to share care with along with the many other adventures of motherhood.

Sharing Care. Can the dream be a reality?

The anxiety set in about a month ago. My baby, Joshua is now nine months old, which means my maternity leave runs out in three months.

When I heard that babies cost a lot of money, I always thought it referred to the material needs of a child. Now I realize it’s the lost hours of work or day care costs which make children expensive.

I am not a wealthy woman and my husband does not make a great deal of money, but as soon as I found out I was pregnant, I knew I didn’t want to put my child into full time care. As soon as someone asked me if I would be going back to work I always answered, “I don’t think so. I’d like to find another mom to share care with. You know, I would look after her child part time and she mine and then we could both work part time but avoid day care costs.”

I know that part-time work will not bring in a lot of money, but thanks to the government I’ve learned to live on 55 per cent of my wage. I’d love to be able to live on just my husband’s wage, but if we did we’d lead very boring lives and never have new clothes.

So my goal is still to find a part time job and share care with another mom.

I thought it would be pretty easy. I belonged to an amazing pre-natal group that began to meet regularly when we were all five months pregnant. By the time we were seven months pregnant I had someone to share care with. Sarah. But then she moved to Langely and our plans went out the window.

I’ve been keeping my eye open for another mom ever since. I have joined a signing group in my neibourhood, and attended many parent information sessions. Another woman from my pre-natal group is interested in sharing care with me but there are still many factors to consider.

It’s so much more than just finding another mom you can share care with. It’s finding another parent with the same values, someone who hopefully lives close by and someone you can sync schedules with.

So I’m still on the hunt for that perfect match and trying to secure a part-time position that will be flexible. With only three months left to figure everything out, I wish this were an easier process.

~Michelle

Labels: Daycare, maternity leave, Michelle, Shared Care

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Cultural Differences
As I mentioned in my “bio” entry, I am pretty into sociology. Over the course of my 7-year stint teaching abroad and traveling, I realized that observing people was a passion of mine. My mind was, and still is, constantly filled with questions about people and society. Why do we do we what we do? How much of who we are is innate and how much is learned and a result of the culture we grow up in?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how the culture we grow up in influences the way we parent. Of course, there is a wide range of approaches within every society but there are some interesting generalizations we can make.

I am often struck by my friend’s concern over the “neediness” or dependency of their child. This seems to be particularly concerning for the men in the relationship and they often seem to be the ones pushing for a more strict approach.

I have heard innumerable conversations about picking children up too quickly when they cry, holding babies too much and for too long, letting babies sleep with the parents, etc. Sarah touched on this in her blog entry “Mom’s a Co-sleeper, Dad’s Not”. These types of things are all considered no-nos in our society, which places so much importance on independence. The fact that we see independence as a virtuous and desirable quality is not surprising considering our focus on being individuals rather than being part of a group.

There are so many other societies where these issues wouldn’t come close to registering on the radar of parental concerns. In other countries it is commonplace, for cultural and/or practical reasons, for babies to be held constantly or strapped to the mother’s back for long periods and where parent and child sleep together for years. No one gives them sideways glances and accuses them of being over-protective or “coddlers” and it seems to me that babies in these societies grow up to be perfectly normal, fully-functioning adults.

So what’s the big deal? I say go ahead, snuggle your baby, pick them up when they cry, heck, hold them all day long if you want to. They aren’t babies forever and it won’t be long before they’re teenagers and would rather poke their eyes out then cuddle for hours with their mom or dad. Is it really going to hurt them? Granted it might hurt the parents in the long run, that is, if they can’t put their foot down at some point. They might end up having to do nightly battle with a two-year old to get them into their own bed but when they’re only babies can you really love them too much?

But, hey, what do I know? Bedtime isn’t a struggle for me and the only person I snuggle with at night is my husband and he isn’t prone to tears when we part in morning because of abandonment issues. Maybe there is someone out there who made the egregious mistake of holding his or her baby when it cried and that baby turned into a raging, holy terror as a result. If you are that someone, please feel free to set me straight.

~Laura

Labels: babywearing, co-sleeping, Culture, Laura

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Remembering and Recognizing
My experience of Remembrance Day is based around stories of the Second World War. My grandparents lived through the war and my grandfather served as a fighter pilot. I have a picture of them from their wedding day, my grandfather looking dapper in his uniform. I have heard many stories of the struggles through war-time that have contributed to my understanding of why we Remember – the sacrifices, the deaths, the collective effort to support the troops who ensured that we had a future in Canada.

I wonder how our own children will understand these sacrifices and collective efforts without those who lived it to share their stories. Once all those who lived through the Second World War have passed away, how will we remember? My own grandparents are both gone already and I often wish I had documented some of their stories on video or audio recording. My grandmother had such a wealth of knowledge that is now gone with her.

Redefining my understanding of Remembrance Day is a necessary transition for me. I need to recognize that Canada is still sacrificing, families are still missing their loved ones who are off in foreign lands fighting for us, and soldiers are still dying for the same cause – to provide us in Canada with the freedom and life we are accustomed to.

We must also recognize that these sacrifices we talk about are not always the death of a soldier. There are different types of sacrifices that the families left back home make while their loved ones are serving our country. For instance, my cousin’s husband is a solider and was severing a tour of duty when she gave birth to their second child. Having recently given birth myself the sacrifice my cousin and her husband made for us really hits home. I can not bare the thought of having given birth to my son without my husband’s support or imagine what he would have missed if he didn’t meet his son till he was 3 months old.

This Remembrance Day I will be working on not only Remembering but also Recognizing the sacrifices that have been and continue to be made for this great country. How will you be spending yours?
~Sarah

Labels: Rememberance Day, Sarah

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Free Jewelry
Our ‘It’s Your Turn Contest’ ends November 11, 2009! We have seriously low entries! It is super easy to enter; you just have to leave a comment after the ‘It’s Your Turn’ post telling us what your favorite item is from the Emilie Kaplun Designs gallery section

AND answer one of our questions.

The questions are:
What are your community’s needs, challenges and/or assets?
What do you like about our plan?
How do you see the site benefitting your family?
What other information or services could More Than A Village offer you that would make your life easier?

So you see, you don’t even have to read the ‘It’s Your Turn’ blog post to enter. Just click here & leave us a comment. This contest is open to all Canadian residents and we will pay for the shipping. Just enter & this gorgeous bracelet and choker made with frosted glass, czech crystals and swarovski crystals on sterling silver chain could be yours.


Enter Today!

Labels: contest, giveaway, reminder

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Mom’s a Co-Sleeper, Dad’s not
My husband and I have been together for eight years, married for two. We’ve been through our fair share of relationship disagreements and have always been able to talk it out. It may take a few heated discussions but we can usually find our way to a solution that works for both of us.

I recognize that it is unreasonable to think that two people will always agree but recently we have been struck with opposing views when it comes to certain parenting issues. Of course we talked about the ways in which we wanted to parent before we had a baby but somehow my whole understanding of parenting changed the second I held my baby in my arms. Who knew?

The first big issue that we’ve been struggling with is co-sleeping. I want to co-sleep but Darren complains that he doesn’t sleep when Parker is in our bed. “What if I role over on him? What if I pull the covers over his head? I don’t have enough space! He’s too restless! I can’t sleep!” I argue that I am the one getting up to nurse him every two hours, and having him sleep with us means I get a few extra minutes of shut-eye. Anyways, we can always buy a bigger bed! Or I’ll put him beside me, instead of in the middle. Round and round the argument goes.

Eight months later and we still can’t agree! I now call it self-preservation instead of co-sleeping. Parker is not a good sleeper. We’ve struggled to get more than a couple hours of straight sleep and naps are almost non-existent. And since I am still the one getting up in the middle of the night to comfort Parker and try to get him back to sleep, I feel entitled to place a limit on the length of time I’ll spend out of bed. My limit is one hour. If I cannot convince Parker to sleep in his crib after an hour, I bring him back to bed with me where inevitably he falls asleep within minutes.

The other issue that has caused us many heated discussions is sleep training. After going on our first date-night and returning home to find Parker still awake, we realized that someone, other than myself, needs to be able to help Parker sleep. So we started researching ways to help him fall asleep on his own.

I’ve borrowed countless books from the library, talked to friends, asked for advice on Twitter and Facebook, and read articles on-line. I’ve concluded that I lean more towards the ‘no-cry’ methods. I believe that when my baby cries there is a reason and if I don’t respond that sends a message to him that his voice doesn’t matter. My husband, on the other hand, believes that it is normal for babies to cry and it is coddling or spoiling them to pick them up every time they cry. He is more apt to lean towards the ‘cry-it-out’ methods. How do you bridge these kinds of differences?

So far we’ve compromised by mixing both our styles together. We end up with a sleep plan that is perhaps a tad inconsistent but has kept us from being at each-others throats. Every night we try to do the same bedtime routine (together when possible) - bathe, quiet play, massage, read, nurse, then to the crib for back rubbing and shhhing and, eventually, sleep. If Parker does not fall asleep within a reasonable amount of time we allow him to cry-it-out for a bit (Darren sets the clock for 5 minutes, I sometimes go in before).

Darren does not pick Parker up if he tries to settle him. I do. However, I put him right back down once he stops crying. Although I may not agree with Darren’s method, he is able to get Parker to sleep within half an hour of putting him down and he usually sleeps more soundly.

However frustrating it can be to have different opinions, our mutual goal to have Parker fall asleep on his own and sleep through the night in his crib ensures that we work together. Reaching this goal will be beneficial to the entire family. I’m positive that having a common goal of raising a happy, healthy child will get us through the next parenting disagreements we come across. However, this has led me to wonder how other parents handle these clashes in opinions.


What do you do when you and your partner disagree on a parenting issue?

~Sarah

Labels: co-sleeping, parenting, Sarah, sleep, sleep training

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High Five
I recently attended a High Five workshop. If you haven't heard of High Five, as I hadn't, it is a Nation wide quality standard initiative for children's sport and recreation programs. It was developed by the Ontario Parks and Recreation and is based on years of research, which identified the principles of healthy child development. Their website (www.highfive.org) has information about the workshop and provides some resources for parents.

Even though the training is directed to organizations providing recreation and sport programs to children aged 6 to 12, the great thing about this training is that it is open to the general public. It also has fantastic information for parents, childcare providers, coaches and organizations a like. It was presented in a fun, participatory way and I left feeling like I had acquired new tools I could use in pretty much any interaction with kids.

I firmly believe that any adult in contact with children has the opportunity to take on a leadership role (that is; be a role model, teach new skills, listen, and help them grow) and make a positive impact on the development of those children. With a little knowledge and the right skills that impact can be significant and create positive memories for both child and adult.

Below I've listed the principles of healthy child development put forth by High Five and provided some ways to put them into action:

A Caring Adult - THAT'S YOU! The consistent support of a caring adult helps build self-esteem and autonomy. Self-esteem is the belief that we belong and are accepted, strong, capable and loved. It help’s children succeed, get through problems and believe they are capable of overcoming challenges. You can help build your child’s self-esteem by showing them that you believe in them. One of the best ways to do this is by encouraging them. Encouragement teaches children that they are appreciated, capable and worthwhile. They’ll feel more self-confident and be more interested in cooperating. Encouragement is a form of positive feedback that allows you to show your child that you love them, notice when they try or improve, appreciate them and have faith in them.

Participation - by involving your children in making choices about what the activity is going to be, setting the rules, and solving problems you are encouraging feelings of independence, and helping them feel competent. This goes a long way in building a child's self-esteem and confidence. You could simply ask your child what game they want to play and ask them to explain the rules to you.

Play - Play is an important aspect of a positive parent-child relationship. That means you getting in there and playing! Play allows children to use their imagination, shape their environment and figure out their place in the world. Play enhances and encourages learning and positive behaviour. (Have you seen the video clips from The Fun Theory?). The best way to play with your child is to set aside some time when you can let go of everything else on you plate. Try to schedule some playtime when you don't have to worry about cooking dinner at the same time or caring for a much younger sibling. I know that it can be challenging to focus on one thing for us multitaskers but it is important to put your full effort into play. It doesn't come naturally to adults. Let your child lead and keep a your sense of humour handy.  Focus on the relationship you are building not the task at hand.

Mastery - providing opportunities to your children to master new skills physically, socially, and intellectually is another way to build their self-esteem and confidence. The best way to do this is to ensure that you provide challenges that are developmentally appropriate and that you are providing positive reinforcement. You could find something that your child can be successful at, teach them a new skill, help them practice and create opportunities for them to demonstrate their new ability. Praise, encourage and provide feedback along the way.

Friends - Friends are important. They create opportunities to learn about sharing, loyalty, support, and criticism and provide a safe place to talk about feelings. You can help your child make friends by being a role model! Never allow or model name-calling, bullying or holding a grudge. Try to encourage your child to use a person's name when talking to someone new. If your child is shy, try role-playing before heading to a new environment. This will give your child a sense of security and may make approaching new friends a bit easier for them.

If we are able to build these five principals into the activities we plan for our children, High Five says we can expect the fruits of our labour to be children that are creative, confident, competent, committed and cooperate. The main thing that was emphasized, and that I took away from the training, is that healthy relationships are at the heart of high-quality experience for children. To me, this means that it really all comes back to focusing on the relationship instead of the task, game, activity we are involved in with our children.

~Sarah

Labels: A caring adult, Children, Friends, High Five, Mastery, Parent Ed, Participation, Play, Relationship, Sarah, Self-Esteem

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